Dear the one that feels so deeply, this is for you 💜

I am made of depth, so I go all in.

There is a way in which I have always met the world, for as long as I can remember actually. Knowing there was a power greater than us, feeling things so deeply I felt the precious intricacies all around us; like a rain drop on a leaf or a robin perched on the back garden fence feeling my grandad nearby.

And in my 20’s I spent years trying to erase it, play it down, make it more digestible, not because I ever felt I was wrong, but to fit in. As it was rarely mirrored back to me in its fullness, a way of feeling that does not skim the surface of things but moves toward them with a kind of quiet inevitability, as though depth itself were not a choice but a native language my body speaks before my mind has time to intervene.

It is not simply that I enjoy music or connect with people or find meaning in moments; it is that when something carries truth, or beauty, or ache, or reverence, I do not stand outside of it and observe, I enter it, I let it move through me, I let it reorganise something internally, and for a long time I mistook that experience as evidence that the source of what I was feeling existed somewhere beyond me, living in the artist, or the person, or the moment itself.

I remember hearing Ben Howard and feeling as though something wordless inside of me had finally been given language, like when he sings “hold it in now let’s go dancing, I do believe we’re only passing through” it does not land as a lyric but as something old had been activated in me, as if some deeper intelligence within me quietly responds with my goodness. I feel that to my core, I know this, I have lived this, I have carried this through seasons where being here, fully here, felt both fleeting and unbearably significant all at once.

And in those moments, the feeling is so expansive, so consuming in the most beautiful sense, that it is almost instinctive to reach outward, to locate the source, to believe that what has been awakened must belong to the one who stirred it, as though they are holding something rare that I am only temporarily allowed to touch.

But the deeper truth, the one that has taken time and honesty and a willingness to sit with myself beyond the intensity of those moments, is that nothing external has ever given me something that was not already mine to begin with, it has only revealed it, illuminated it, called it forward into my awareness in a way that feels almost sacred in its timing.

The pattern was never that I became lost in people or music or meaning, it is that I entered them so fully that I forgot to notice where I ended and they began, and without that awareness, depth can so easily turn into projection, into quiet pedestal building, into a subtle handing over of power that was never actually meant to leave me.

Because what I am truly experiencing in those moments of what I once called connection is not attachment to another, but communion with a part of myself that refuses to live on the surface, that insists on aliveness, that recognises resonance like a tuning fork meeting its match and vibrating not because something has been added, but because something has been activated.

There is nothing accidental about the way I feel, nothing excessive about the depth I carry, and nothing misplaced about the way I am moved by beauty, by truth, by the rawness of human expression (you should see my natal chart!!) but there is a responsibility within it, a quiet call to remain with myself even as I am opened by the world around me, to feel fully without assigning ownership of that feeling to something outside of me.

And so I have learnt, slowly and deliberately, to let myself be moved without being taken, to let myself feel without immediately reaching outward to anchor that feeling elsewhere, to recognise that the aliveness I have so often chased through fleeting moments of recognition is not something I visit, but something I am.

It’s been a beautiful journey about becoming anchored enough in my own depth that I no longer need to search for it in reflections, because I trust that what I am meeting in the world is simply showing me what has always lived within me, waiting for me to stay long enough to claim it as my own.

And the moment you realise the thing you’ve been chasing was never outside of you, everything changes 💜