Shine bright, but not brighter than me!

There is a particular pattern I have begun to observe, not with accusation, but with clarity; a pattern that lives beneath the surface of many female dynamics, especially in spaces that speak the language of growth, healing, and empowerment, and yet quietly resist the very thing they claim to stand for.

Because it is one thing to say you value expansion, and another entirely to remain open when expansion arrives in a form that disrupts your current identity.

I have been on the receiving end of this too many times. So now, I speak up.

I have felt what it is to be perceived not as a colleague, not as a woman walking her own path, but as a mirror that was simply too confronting to stand beside.

I was, quite literally, let go from a role not because of incompetence, not because of misalignment in skill (although I was told otherwise, plus accused of stealing money which I just cannot even begin to comprehend), but truthfully because my way of navigating a similar internal journey activated something unprocessed in the boss; something she was not yet willing, or perhaps not yet able, to meet within herself. Yet, right on time on International Women’s Day she is the first to post about women supporting women. I still can’t decide whether it’s delusional or done with false intent for the “gram”.

I have been outcast by a friend because I had to choose my own financial security over supporting her business. 

I didn’t receive celebration for shining bright in my new photos from those I expected because of my choice of photographer? Sorry what? 

Sigh. 

And this is where the conversation becomes uncomfortable, but necessary.

Because what we often call “being triggered by someone else” is, in truth, an invitation into self-responsibility that has been declined.

It is easier, far easier, to remove the mirror than to sit with what it reflects.

It is easier to label someone as “too much,” “intimidating,” “too sensitive,” “too CHEZ,” than to ask, with genuine curiosity, “what in me is reacting, and why?”

And so we see this collective pattern play out, not only in workplaces, but in communities, friendships, industries (the one I’m in) built on the very premise of evolution:

Women saying they want to rise, but only within the bounds of what feels familiar.

Women celebrating each other, but only up to the point where another’s visibility begins to highlight their own disconnection.

Women using the language of empowerment, while unconsciously reinforcing the same hierarchies and suppressions that kept them small.

This is the more insidious layer of tall poppy syndrome; not the overt cutting down, but the subtle destabilisation of those who refuse to stay within the unspoken limits.

“Shine, yes… but not in a way that requires me to look at where I am not.”

And I say this with tenderness, because I do understand it. 

To be confronted with someone who is owning their truth, who is willing to be seen in their contradictions, who is actively doing the work to meet themselves more deeply, can feel like a rupture to the parts of us that have not yet been given that same permission.

But understanding it does not mean excusing the behaviour.

Because when we project our discomfort outward, when we make another woman responsible for the internal work we are avoiding, we perpetuate a cycle that keeps all of us constrained.

We fracture trust and we dilute integrity.

We create environments where authenticity is spoken about, but not actually safe to embody.

Truly if I hear the conversation around authenticity one more time……

You do not need to announce it, just be a good person.

Authenticity has been wildly diluted, so people being themselves, no matter what, overrides shitty behaviour. “Oh but she was being authentic,” “No Karen, she was being a horrible person.”

And so the responsibility, individually and collectively, is this:

To recognise that being triggered is not evidence that something is wrong with the other person, but information about where we have yet to meet ourselves.

To choose, again and again, to turn inward before we reach outward in blame.

To allow other women to expand without interpreting their expansion as a personal threat.

Because the truth is, no one’s growth diminishes your potential; it only reveals what is possible.

And if that revelation stings, it is not a signal to shut it down, but an invitation to step closer.

I will continue to hold that standard, first within myself, and then in the spaces I move through.

I will continue to take responsibility for my impact where it is mine, and refuse responsibility where it is not.

I will continue to name what I see, even when it disrupts the comfort of silence.

Because this is not about division; it is about maturity.

It is about evolving beyond the unconscious patterns that keep us competing, comparing, and contracting in the presence of one another’s light.

It is about learning how to stand beside brilliance without needing to dim it, and without abandoning our own.

And while that work is not always chosen by those around me, it will always be chosen by me.

I will shine anyway.

With love, Chez 💜